I was
reading through some of my old blog posts earlier and I realised that the
information on this blog has been a bit disjointed – I mean, at one point I was
talking about having a drinking problem and being depressed then the next thing
to appear online was a few months later telling you about all wonderful kids
clubs I’d been helping out with. You’d be forgiven for thinking “what on earth
has happened in the past 3 months to transform an alcoholic into a children’s
worker?” (OK, I’m exaggerating but only a little). Anyway, in light of this, I
have put together this post is - to help fill in the gaps…
Firstly, can
I point out (from the perspective of hindsight) – I didn’t really have a drinking problem, not
in the classical sense anyway – I have never been physically addicted to
alcohol, what I meant when I said “I have a drinking problem” was that I wasn’t
drinking responsibly. I was drinking a bit too much a bit too often to make
myself feel happier but it was just making me miserable with guilt. All in all
it was more of a discipline problem than a drinking problem but, at the time, I
think I made it sound a lot worse than what it was. Indeed, it felt a lot worse
than what it was because depression has a funny way of making everything seem
worse.
Secondly I
wish to point out that my depression has never affected my work with kids
and/or youth. If anything, I’m using the bad experience for good – it helps me
to empathise with those that are hurting.
So, now that
that’s out of the way, let’s go back to the beginning to try and summarise what
has happened in my life since I started documenting it.
(For
context: I recommitted my life to Christ in early 2007, I started uni in
September 2007 and started blogging at the tail end of 2008 – in my 2nd
year of uni.)
2009 – On the
hole, a good year for me - At the start of it I finally seemed to be getting
somewhere with God. My faith was growing and I became a small group leader in
my Christian Union.
Also at this
time it became more and more apparent to me, as the months went by, that I
chose the wrong degree subjects but I didn’t know what to change to so I
eventually decided to drop one of my subjects (Forensic Science) and to
re-start my 2nd year of uni in September 2009 doing just single
honours Criminology.
Meanwhile, I
had become a Sunday School teacher and had helped out at my uni church’s Holiday
Bible Club. I went off to UCCF Forum and encountered God like I never had
before – it has been one of the happiest times in my life.
By November
2009, the depression that had plagued me throughout my high school years came
back but that’s not to say it didn’t pay me brief visits in between times.
Not long before
I went home for Christmas I decided I was quitting my degree but planned to
remain living in Lincoln.
Whilst at
home I (A.) decided that writing was something I wanted to pursue further,
possibly even as a career (and B.) Found out about the kids work that went on a
Spring Harvest and applied – it was something I REALLY wanted to do but didn’t
really expect to get chosen for as I applied really late in the application
process. Both of these things have been so influential in where I am now and
what I hope to do in the future.
So, I went back
to Lincoln only a few days into 2010 – the year that would be my toughest yet. Depression
came and went for the first few months, and then there was a really happy ‘season’
around the time of Spring Harvest. The depression proceeding Spring Harvest was
worse than the one preceding it. The ‘post Spring Harvest depression’ didn’t really lift until around October that
year.
In September
2010 I moved back to Northern Ireland after a couple months of homelessness
(sleeping on friend’s sofas – not the streets). I was a complete mess and had
no clue what I was going to do with my life.
Then nothing
really happened for a few months until I got inspired around New Years, as I
tend to do. I started 2011full of hope even though I wasn’t really sure what I
was hoping for…
I took a
short yet wonderful trip to Edinburgh in March, did a Creative Writing Course
then a Bible College Short Course then a short course in ‘An Introduction to Journalism’
and by the time I’d finished all that it was almost summer.
The summer I
spent travelling up and down England helping out at various events and although
it didn’t all go to plan and I was so busy that I barely slept for 3 months, I enjoyed
it all so much!
From my
summer adventures I shot straight into working for a Church in Oxford for a
year which is where I am now… man, it’s been one heck of a journey!
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